An innocent compliment....

"I don't know how you do it. If my daughter died, there is no way I could keep on going like you do."

A very innocent sentence which was probably meant as a compliment, but it stirred oh-so-many emotions in me.

First of all, I don't have a choice. I would have never chosen to lose my daughter. Never. Yet, my daughter died, and I was left behind. She was robbed of many, many years of living, and I feel like I have to live my life to honor her and preserve her memory. Is it easy? No, absolutely not. Would I change things if I could? Absolutely.

Second of all, if you tell someone who lost a loved one that you couldn't go on if you lost a loved one, it implies that you love your person more than the bereaved person loved his/her loved one, and that implication stings. A lot. If you couldn't go on if your daughter died, but I did and do every single day, that must mean that I didn't love my daughter as much as you love your daughter. This might be totally irrational and make no sense to you at all...I am just writing down how I felt in this particular situation today.

I know it's hard to talk to a bereaved parent because - let's face it - we are always on edge, take everything personal, have terrible mood swings, and never know how we will react in a given circumstance. What was okay one day might not be okay the next, and what was not bearable today might be okay tomorrow. But one thing never changes....we miss our children with every fiber of our being, with every breath we take and on each and every day we are alive.

Giving up is not an option. My daughter never did....so what would give me the right to? I will continue to honor Joana and share her beautiful spirit with everyone who is willing to listen!